She is clothed in...

Proverbs 31:22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

This is the verse I have been looking at recently. I have had many conversations about the issue of vanity. I have come to realize that I have a different outlook on it that many, in the sense that I feel like every morning a woman should be waking up, looking in the mirror, and feeling lucky for the rest of the world because they get to behold her beauty! Well, maybe that is an overstatement and could encroach into the pride arena but the basic premise I feel is true. You should feel good about who you are, God made you and He believes His creation is good. So should you.

With that said, I have been spending a lot of time at home lately. The design business has come to an abrupt halt and the weather has kept me from venturing too far from the hearth. As such, I have been working on organizing the house, learning all I can about blueberry farming, doing a great job of keeping up with the laundry, but not always getting out of my pajamas.

When you are at home all day comfy clothes seem like the way to go. A tshirt and sweats are warm and perfect for vacuuming, cleaning out closets, reading, and whiling away time on the Internet. What they are not is sexy! I have realized that it must be a bit of a drag for my hubs to come home every night after work to the home hobo. Now before you get all defensive and go off on my right to sweats hear me out. I want my husband to always find me attractive, and day in day out slob wife just isn't. I wouldn't find me very sexy either. Now, if you asked Jon he would probably tell me that I looked good anytime and that none of this mattered. But I think it makes a difference and so I have been attempting to be dressed and a little cuted up before he gets home at night regardless of what went on during the day. I think that the verse above shows that it isn't vain or prideful for a woman to take care of her appearance. I don't think it means you should be spending a mint on "fine linen" but that you can feel good about getting dressed up and doing your hair and makeup, just for the sake of it. So even though I might feel like just lounging all night in sweats I am making the effort to be cute for my husband.

When it snows

The cold white stuff has really been coming down lately. Whether in spurts of an inch or 18 the snow has created many obstacles over the past few weeks. I have to admit I have gotten out of the habit of reading over the p31 passage daily and so when reminded by a good friend the other day this verse just jumped out at me. It was like God was trying to tell me, "hey I'm here! I certainly haven't gone anywhere and I just want to remind you what you are working toward."

Proverbs 31:21

When it snows she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

Snow makes people crazy in NJ. In fact, I would rather eat whatever we have in the house than venture out to a grocery store, drugstore, Walmart, or the like on the day before or day of a storm. I have made the mistake before of wanting a few snacks to enjoy with our "snowed in" movie only to walk directly back out when I saw the line wound through the aisles all the way back to the meat department!! However, I do not have fear of the storm. My family is prepared to handle a few days stranded together. My pantry is full, my freezer is too, and that plow we have on the farm truck can get us out of anything that the F250 can't :-) But actually, I really enjoy the concept of a big storm. I look forward to making pancakes from scratch and cuddling on the couch with the hubs. I enjoy the time we get to spend together instead of being anxious about getting to all those things I was supposed to do that day.

I am finding that as this project goes on I am becoming more of a homebody. I love sharing my home with people and relish the time together. The busyness of life doesn't seem all that important and a quiet night of coffee by the fire beats an hour into the city every time...well maybe not every time but most! I think I am finding the joy in the little things, the important things. So when a storm is headed your way, prepare your water, get your groceries, and pick up a good winter movie and enjoy the time you get to spend together. The snow is a gift of time that God has given.

Small Changes Big Impact

So the holidays have come and gone. We traveled for both Thanksgiving and Christmas which provided for both a hectic and fun time. It is always great to spend more time with family, friends, and most of all my hubby. I have been told I am not the best travel companion, I complain, I get cranky, I have insurmountable expectations, etc. Although this is just one more area that I am working on I must say that I usually enjoy the travel with Jon. It really allows us to have some good conversations and basically forces quality time. Of course, sometimes I just want to read a good book too!

During one of these good conversations I found out something that really made me pause. My husband commented that my early morning coffee time with him has made our marriage 10 times more enjoyable. (He actually said "ten fold" but I prefer the New Living Translation over the KJV ;-) Not only that but he also feels our relationship is stronger because of it.

I honestly couldn't believe it. How could something so minor have such a big impact? He went on to say that he values that time not only because it is a good start to the day but also because it is just one more thing that we can do together. As I thought about what he said, I realized that I feel the same way. I certainly feel like our relationship has gotten better but also easier. Conversations are simpler,"discussions" that happen when we disagree are more rational, and I think we value each other more. I have also found that I truly enjoy doing things for Jon. Making him a cup of coffee in the morning or a nice dinner at night is actually a pleasure for me instead of a chore. I know now how much he appreciates it, and that makes it all the better for me. He too realizes all the things that I do to make his life more enjoyable and therefore is more willing to help me with something or surprise me with a nice gesture. The domino effect of my sacrifice in the mornings is astounding to me.

Promises Promises

So apparently the next thing I should be working on is keeping good on my word!! A five week interlude is not really acceptable when I am supposed to be utilizing this as a tool of accountability. Unfortunately, I did not have access to wireless service in many of the places we stayed on our European trip and therefore I did not keep up to date there and then after that life simply got in the way. All I can say is I will certainly try to do better.

On a more positive note, I am really feeling a mental change in myself and I think its reflecting in my life. I am simply feeling so much more motivated in my goals right now. I feel empowered to take on my fitness goals, am making a valiant effort at growing my business, and feeling very motivated in the state of my home. I will admit, I hired a cleaning lady to come in once a week. Yesterday was her second time and obviously the house is much cleaner. However, knowing that she is coming is really keeping my on task and forcing me to keep up with the laundry and general home maintenance. Unfortunately, this house tends to collect dirt, dust, and debris thanks in large part to living in the boonies of New Jersey and having large dogs tramp in and out all day long. In general though I find that we are maintaining a clean household on a daily basis and now I find I can focus more on work during my daytime hours.
Youth group has really forced me to stretch myself out of my comfort zone. We are going through a study on the basics of living a Christian life and its allowing me to reexamine what that means to me and how I am doing day to day in my walk with the Lord. Also, I feel a great sense of responsibility toward the kids because I have voluntarily placed myself as a role model, knowing that mistakes I make in my own life will reflect onto them. We had an absolutely fantastic event a couple weeks ago that was fairly well attended but enjoyed by everyone involved. The heart of these kids is so genuine its a nice change.

As the World Turns...

As you can see I have not posted for quite awhile. As sometimes happens out in the boonies, our Internet was down for a few weeks. Luckily, we worked the bugs out and things are back and operational but I am actually not on the farm right now. I am sitting in a shopping mall in England drinking a very good latte and utilizing the free wireless in this coffee shop to get back on track. So, what has happened in the past few weeks? Well, quite a lot actually.
I am starting to realize that my new sleep schedule is finally starting to stick. I seem to wake up right before the alarm most days, and usually a few minuets before Jon when he comes back from working out. It is not to say that I couldn't continue sleeping if I chose to do that, just that my body is now on the side of P31 in allowing me the choice of getting out of bed or not. Also, many days I have wanted to get up, drink coffee, wait for Jon to leave, and then go back to bed. However, in practice I am always too awake and simply continue on with my day. Consequently, I have gotten so much more done and have been able to keep the main parts of the house at least clutter free if not semi-clean most of the time. If you do not know me well, then this may seem like a pretty easy feat but believe me, this is mostly the first time I can say this in my 27 years! I know, a pretty sad thing to have to admit. I would definitely say that in general I feel more productive or feel like being more productive each day which leads me to believe that my laziness was predicated in part to sleeping late. Also something I never thought in my life I would admit to.
So with all this new found time and energy I have been challenging myself to some new goals. I have begun working with our junior high youth group, which definitely requires increased energy, and joined our churches ladies bible study. It is an interesting dichotomy because I am actually taking the reigns in youth group to lead a study for the girls there on living a christian life and in contrast I am being led by another in the study. I think that this is very important though. I need to be constantly learning and growing in order to be effective as a youth sponsor, wife, friend, sister, daughter, and any other role I happen to be filling.
My first evening of junior high fun was certainly that. We played game after game that required intense stamina that I simply didn't possess and by the end of the night I felt like I could about drop. However, it was also exciting to see the kids who did come out enjoying youth group in a way that I did when I was younger. My church friends and youth group were everything to me at that age. I wanted to be at every event, study, ministry opportunity, pretty much anything that the youth group put on. It is invigorating but also sobering to know that I am now filling the role of many adults I once knew and will have a direct impact on the lives of these children. Their enthusiasm for life is infectious.
Bible study also started during the time of the Internet debacle. There seem to be about 8-10 women participating, many of whom I am not well acquainted. The book we are reading is called "Having a Mary Spirit" and is about the differences between Mary and Martha. The first chapter was a very emotional read for me because it highlighted exactly where I felt I have been at for the past year. Struggling with where I am at in life and feeling a necessary change. The uncertainty of where I am going forward is unnerving and it was very comforting to see that I am exactly where God wants to be. I know that I will be learning a great deal and growing through the study and accountability of these women.
Now, after all this you may be wondering why I am in England. I suppose that was a little rude to start off in such an out of character manner with no explanation at all. Well, I am traveling with my husband while he is on business for the next 2 weeks. We just arrived yesterday, and this morning I woke up and had a proper English breakfast with him before he left for the day. I have no plans to slack off while on holiday over here, P31 will be accompanying me on this trip!

A Weekend at the Shore

I have a confession to make, Friday I did not get up at 7 am for coffee. I was just tired and wanted to sleep. The look on my husbands face when I said I wasn't getting up made me feel awful, but in my sleepy state I rationalized that sleep was what I needed at that moment to be more useful throughout the day and evening ahead. Although my day did go on as usual once I woke up an hour later, that night a friend came down to the shore with us and had dinner. Over dinner, she was discussing this blog and Jon mentioned how I had not gotten up that morning and how it had "ruined his whole day!" Now, for the sake of cutting through the drama, I do not believe that my husband had an awful day on Friday, in fact, work seemed to go well, we went out fishing after work and then had a lovely dinner. However, the sentiment really hit home with me and reminded me of all the positive things I have outlined in the blog concerning my morning coffee. Of course, I had realized how much he enjoyed it and that it gave a positive spin on his whole day, I just didn't realize that it would give a negative start to the day when I am just too lazy to get up.
Another observation I made this weekend happened today on the treadmill. A song I have on my play list for running is "Your Love is My Drug" and in the context of the song, really doesn't apply to my life. However, I am happily coming to the knowledge that nothing gives me great joy, aside from God, than the love of my husband. I like making him happy and feel euphoric when he praises me. The love he gives me is definitely my drug. Although I never read the love languages book a few friends did in college and I am starting to realize that my said "language" probably revolves around words of affirmation and quality time. I am loving the time I have been able to spend with my husband and in turn find myself happier and more content. When I once wanted to be out every night "doing something" I now relish time spent at home eating dinner, sitting outside watching "our deer," and even catching the latest survival show on Discovery.
My final slice of knowledge came in a conversation I was able to have Sunday morning. Although I did not go to church I feel like I heard a message loud and clear that day. I had purchased some local peaches and wanted to make some peach butter to can. A little P31 I suppose, "providing food for my family." Anyway, as my friend and I cut up the peaches and set to make the butter we started talking about nature and how things are grown. I have come to really enjoy growing food in my own garden and marvel time and time again at how much can grow from so little. Our conversation easily morphed into the greatness of God and the intricacy of mankind and the natural world. To grow an entire bushel of tomatoes from one small seed and for a baby to be created and then grow in the womb is truly amazing. It would seem that science should only point people toward God instead of away from Him. That people all over the world in remote areas feel the existence of God simply because of what is around them shows mans arrogance and the true cost of sin. All in all it was a fantastic weekend.
My plan this week is to work on verse 26. "She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." I have decided to start a Bible study for the girls in our youth group. I have chosen the book and will be meeting with the youth team at our church to decide on the best night and plan of action. I have also decided to join the ladies Bible study at church in order to gain "faithful instruction" and harbor more accountability.

A P31 sort of day

I feel very P31 so far today. I woke up this morning to the announcement of my husband that it was pouring rain outside. This was great news to me because one, I would not have to worry about watering the garden or landscaping outside which means that two, I could do both the laundry and run the dishwasher today :-), and finally just because I love rainy days and cooler weather! I realize that most people love jumping out of bed on a bright sunny day but I prefer mild and rainy to hot and sunny any day of the week. So while Jon fixed his hair, I made up some eggs and we were able to have a relaxing 15 minutes on the porch listening to the rain. After that, I worked out, dropped off some clothes to the Goodwill, dropped produce from the garden off to a friend, bought some fresh produce from a local organic farm, gassed up the car, got books from the library for the weekend ahead, and then purchased some scotchgard for the new sectional on the porch...all before noon!! After I got home I spent and hour in the garden pulling weeds that I really should have taken care of weeks if not months ago while listening to a great sermon on my ipod.
So, my day was very productive to this point but was also very enlightening. The sermon I listened to was from a church called Apex Community out of Dayton, Ohio. I went there during college and have recently begun downloading the sermons to listen to when I am working outside. This one happened to be out of the book of James and it was about planning. Which was funny because directly before I turned it on I had just outlined some ideas to my mom that I had for our farm. (Sometimes God just isn't so subtle, He can really just knock you over the head if you need it!) The plans discussed included possibly starting a CSA, taking a master gardeners course, doing some hands on gardening classes here at the farm, etc. Now the sermon focused on James 4:13-16.

13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.

At first, I thought the message was pretty simplistic, don't plan what you will do just say "if it is God's will" this is what I will do. Pretty basic, but on a deeper level it really means that you plan your life based on and with great input from God. So all these ideas I am having or plans I am making need to be based on what God wants from my life. I may have a strong desire to go in one direction but is that where God wants me to be? I know that I need to be more cognisant of God's will and asking Him what I should be doing next. I felt pretty convicted about my prayer life and including God in my decision making on a daily basis. The other part of the passage that talks about boasting was interesting as well. I would normally say that I don't boast. I am not out there spouting all the great things I do in my life, how awesome I am, etc. However, in this context, the boasting is actually about making plans. Saying that you will be doing this or that in the future, as if you know what the future holds. Basically, the exact thing I was saying to my mother 1 hour earlier. It is pretty neat to see how God is continuing to work in my life and show me areas for improvement.